I can admit to being slightly masochistic. I read blogs I hate to read, sleep late so I can dread having to go to the gym after work all day and lately, find myself watching a lot of TV that seriously makes me question American entertainment. The highlight of this last behavior has to be Jon & Kate + 8, my God, truly the most horrible program ever broadcast. The premise is this: married couple Jon & Kate decided to have kids, couldn’t, turned to fertility treatment and then had twin daughters. Okay, great. Then Kate decided the twins needed a little brother or sister, and after another go at the fertility thing, she and her disturbingly browbeaten husband ended up having six babies all at once. Okay, fine, this same scenario makes news at least every few years–but never have I seen such gratuitous exploitation of it. Could be interesting, too–if Kate wasn’t such a raving insane bitch and her husband wasn’t such a complete pussy. Each episode is 30 minutes of sheer torture as Kate relentlessly harangues Jon, makes fun of him, treats him like a big piece of useless shit, complains about his physique (how it’s possible that Jon isn’t a skeletal bag of bones when all he seems to do is act as the slave to nine other people), belittles him and he just sits there and takes it on national television.

It gets worse, though–because when Kate’s not berating Jon, she’s bemoaning her lot in life as the mother of eight small children and reminding the TV audience that she deserves more recognition than any other mother in the world. Oh, but wait–because with every complaint about her hardship comes the disclaimer that she really loves her children and thinks they are miracles and she couldn’t have asked for a better life, blah, blah, blah. Just like with every barb at Jon she reminds the camera that they really have a great marriage and this is how they “work.” Meanwhile, in the background, two of the snottiest little girls ever to exist mug for the crew and vie for their parents’ attention while six extremely ill-behaved toddlers scream without reprieve. Oh, and let’s not forget the clever ad placement displayed across all the kids’ clothing ensembles.

For a double-dose of Jon & Kate + 8 hatred I visit the show’s forums on the network website and read the posts from all the mothers who think Kate is a super fantastic role-model because she does it with eight kids when they are struggling with two or three. Each seems to forget that despite Jon & Kate’s many references to their tight budget, nobody gets on TV without getting paid for it–and usually, quite well.

Jon & Kate + 8 should be portrayed as a harrowing cautionary tale and not the amazing story of love and survival that it is.

On the flip side, I also like to watch those regular specials featuring the Duggar family. Now they are super-creepy–two happier-than-happy parents and 17 kids who all appear to have stepped off the Juniper Creek compound on Big Love. Mom and Dad Duggar have vowed to have as many kids as the Lord wills them and spend their family time reading scripture and singing songs. The children are homeschooled and all the girls do the women’s work while the boys learn mechanics and handle the man-tasks.

But the strangest thing about it is that the Duggars are actually sweet. Whenever the husband and wife talk about or to each other, it’s always with admiration, love, gratitude and reverence. The kids are all very well-behaved and are rarely seen crying. They never argue with each other and seem really proud to be a part of this abnormally large clan. Michelle Duggar, the mom, is very calm and gentle and never makes an ass out of herself. The dad, Jim Bob, is totally easygoing. And the most amazing thing is that the family is debt-free. They say they only accept their TV appearances to help other people realize the life of Christ. Maybe, maybe not…but it comes across as very sincere.

I don’t even know what my point is. I guess that you don’t have to act like a total asshole just because you’ve got a lot of kids.