I haven’t posted in a long time, but I can assure you I have good reasons.

*I have not seen any recent photos of the Jolie-Pitt children stuffing their faces with Cheetos.

*The literary industry hasn’t changed much (e.g., rejection is still the name of the game).

*I don’t have a dog to write cute posts about.

*I don’t have any children to write (what only I would think are) cute posts about.

*Does anyone really care what’s going on in Las Vegas unless they’re in Las Vegas? Didn’t think so.

*I don’t have cable anymore, so there goes the luxury of opining about my favorite shows.

*The election is over.

*The current figure skating season sucks.

*I haven’t read a decent book in months. Or written one, for that matter.

*I would rather be drinking.

They give their kids dumb names like BRONX MOWGLI.

Here are some Sinatra lyrics that always remind me to enjoy life.

Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you
If you’re young at heart
For it’s hard, you will find, to be narrow of mind
If you’re young at heart

You can go to extremes with impossible schemes
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams
And life gets more exciting with each passing day
And love is either in your heart or on its way

Don’t you know that it’s worth every treasure on earth
To be young at heart
For as rich as you are it’s much better by far
To be young at heart

And if you should survive to 105
Look at all you’ll derive out of being alive
Then here is the best part
You have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart

Hey, uh, girls? Do you ever get the feeling the fashion industry is trying to make us look like fools?

Ever notice how none of these kids is ever photographed eating a BANANA?

A woman met a man and decided to have children.

Diddy, Margaret Cho, Rosie O’Donnell, Matt Damon, Meg Ryan, Jada Pinkett Smith and Lindsay Lohan do not advocate Sarah Palin.

WHEW. I’m so glad for the opinions of these ultra-wealthy icons who live in an alternate reality/fantasyland and have nothing in common with the average individual living in the real world–because before I read this I was really confused, and now I know who to vote for. Thanks, close and personal friends who completely influence my thinking!

Left or Right, this is pretty funny.

The election. The economy. THE END OF THE WORLD!

Thank God* my future home is still for sale.

*”Thank God” is a popular expression used throughout American society by many different social groups and regardless of one’s religious beliefs or political affiliations.